Cars I've Known And Loved

For a guy that's had to sleep in cars so often, I've had a fascinating array of cars. It's amazing what's available to the average schmo nowadays - hence, I think at least, things like scrap drives and 'Cash For "Clunkers" And We're Not Able To Put Enough Quotes Around "Clunkers" So We Won't Even Try'.

That's a prospect of civilization as it currently sits that I think gets overlooked; the sum result of admitted overproduction of crap over decades means that, if we were not to squander what we already have, much 'needed' production is already covered. People need cars, not necessarily brand new ones.

Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to lay it out there as far as what notches I have on my timing belt, so to speak. It'll be interesting to see what this list ends up looking like.

Honorable Mention: 1965 Chevy Impala Convertible

Back in the day my dad rented out a room or two in our house to make ends meet, and this guy Brian came in. These were bar guys in Florida, but at least this time he wasn't renting a room to Two-Feathers the crazy Indian with weapons hidden EVERYWHERE. And frankly this wouldn't even be an honorable mention if I had to have memories of cruising Melbourne, Florida nights in a Trooper II.

The car wore a few SS badges but was packing a 327 with a Holley and headers backed by a Powerglide. Ah, back in the good old buck a gallon days. I got to drive this around quite a bit, and it gave me a love of the sound of a small block into glasspacks.

I never owned it and I couldn't have come up with the money to, even if I did unspeakable things at truck stops for the cash. Still I got to cruise it and pound on it when I was just getting my license, and I don't care; it came chronologically first, and anyway, fuck you, this is my universe, and this is my first car. I got to cruise this in high school and didn't even have to buy the gas half the time. 

Screw it - who needs to be paying for insurance and all that anyway. Just hand me the keys and try not to piss yourself.

1) 77 Ford F150 Ranger - 5.8l 351M, C4 trans. Lasted 3 weeks in my possession - a pattern held by all the Fords I've ever owned. Going to the "I'll Push A Chevy Before I'll Drive A Ford" church since you were four might get some weird hoodoo going in your mind, and maybe I'm just cursed to never have a good blue oval experience because of it. However, this thing was so abused before my dad bought it and drove it through it's last bit of life it wasn't funny. I got it because my dad wasn't up to lifting essentially big block V8 iron heads off of a motor to get it running again, so I spent three weeks doing what would even now be a fairly huge undertaking. The head gaskets came off in pieces - the motor was literally pumping coolant out it's exhaust  before it was parked. We didn't drain the oil fast enough - but it started and dragged it's dying corpse to work for three weeks so I could put the down payment down on...

2) 1980 Chevy 'Junkyard Special' - '63 283 2bbl, TH400 trans, huge-iferous tow truck sourced rear, 73 Suburban 2500 chassis, 80 Cab, 12.5x32 tires on 16.5x10s. This thing was the weirdest truck ever and I might just have to replicate it somewhat some day. (I think I'd use a 327 or maybe a stroker and definitely an OD trans.) Flat bed/stake bed setup, flat black with a light bar, this truck looked like it came off the set of Beverly Hillbillies Meets Mad Max. The stupid short gearing just made the 283 scream. Couldn't hurt the 400 trans even though it was soaking up ponies and gas. The suspension had heavy duty off road shocks on 8 leaves in front and 10 leaves in the back with a 1/2" helper spring and really thick sways. The thing cornered flat despite being lifted to the point where the roof's peak was about 4" taller than my 6'2" top of my head. The 12.5" wide tires were off road capable but clearly meant for on road use most of the time. Rebuilt everything, just a beat body and nothing much to look at. The Terror of the parking lots of both Bellport and Miller Place high schools in 1997-98. Couldn't kill the thing, and despite the not huge nor really worked motor (had some kind of cam in it, though, minor lope), it would take it's lifted and heavy and very un-aerodynamic carcass and embarrass the guy in the next lane in his fresh CRX Si. Made me money, too. Not bad for 850 bucks.

3) 77 Chevy Caprice - ex Taxi that was tipped to me by my boss at the Getty station at the time, I bought it for 50 bucks. 5.0l and Th350, I drove this thing to Jersey so many times when I was courting my then fiance. Crashed it on the way to see Rammstein at the Family Values tour. 50 bucks. The history of the car was known, too, and it had over 400k on it, 3rd engine, 4th trans, who knows how long it might have gone for. Shades of rides to come...

4) 84 Ford Mustang LX 2.3l - awful buy, would have made a good donor for a V8. Was a lemon to begin with but I was import phobic at the time and wanted something that at least resembled something cool. These things were so slow, it took me years to realize how fun a four cylinder could be. Blue on blue, notchback, auto...never let your girlfriend suggest a car to buy.

5) 87 Olds Cutlass Ciera GT - Ceding the 80 Chevy to my dad since I owed him 400 bucks and had screwed up the carb rebuild, I found a cosmetically beat Ciera GT 3.8l to bomb around Long Island in for awhile until the trans died. Not too bad for a FWD GM product from it's era. My first attempts at auto body were on this car.

6) 90 Jeep Cherokee Sport 4.0 HO 5spd - got a loan from my JPL friend and ran around LA for the first year I lived here in this. Carried my half stack to numerous auditions that lead to nowhere. Eventually had to give the truck to my friend who lent me the money, but he kept it for years and loved 4x4s anyway. The 4.0l motor was great and burnouts were easy. Would get another even today.

7) 69 Chevy 'Flat-nose' Van - bought for moving band equipment but some local dicks shot the windshield and window out with a pellet rifle. Sold it off and pretty much immediately regretted it, 250-I6 and three on the tree.

8) 86 Pontiac Firebird 5.0 5psd - broke spark plug off in head and managed to sell it for the same price I bought it for. Never realized what I had; was lazy and bought this instead of fixing it...

9) 87 Ford Thunderbird 5.0l - my cousin was into 5.0 Mustangs and I figured hey, this one's going for 700 bucks and just needs front springs from the railroad crossing jump, why not...700 bucks for a motor for the Firebird, that's why. 3 weeks later, dead. Dead oil pump. Don't get me started.

10) 73 Chevy Malibu - 350/350, this car was the cheapest thing I kinda wanted in the Recycler at the time and my friend bought it for me to basically sleep in when I got back to LA after being back on Long Island working at the auto body shop all winter. Got gas-phobic and bought something smaller that actually proved less economical...

11) 72 VW Super Beetle - 1600cc Dual Port with 'Autostick' trans. The latter should have made me walk but I couldn't get much for the 'bu and the Super was 550 bucks and lowered. The wrong way. The Mexican, East LA way (bought it in Bell). But was cool and I was smitten with aircooled mojo. This death trap got me to the majority of my TV/Music Video/Movie extra gigs all over LA and Orange counties, leaking transmission fluid the whole way and negating the whole reason I bought the rolling suicide booth in the first place - economy. Better gas mileage doesn't mean much when you're eating quarts of tranny fluid. Came out to about the same amount to run and now I had to sleep in a fucking Beetle. Sometimes you're better with the Devil you know. I could have at least thrown some cool mufflers on the Malibu and acted like it had more than 175hp.

11.5) 64 Ford Falcon Ranchero - I had this thing for like a week. I'd painted the VW in two tone flat black/white primer, painted the interior hammered metal gray with the black vinyl upholstery, and it looked damn cool. I didn't think the Falcon was ready for the road back to NY and was going to sell it, and the folks I traded it to just bought the Super Beetle off of me instead, which worked out great for them since I gave it the same hot rod black treatment the VW had gotten while I had it.

12/12.5) Various Celica Supras - my Dad passed away owning these and they became mine. I bought a parts car, stripped the shell of the extra one he'd left and ended up having to give it all up when things went sour with my grandfather. Wrenched on them for awhile and got to appreciate Japanese sports cars, and they donated their 225-60-R14s to my...

13) 93 Chevy S10 - 2.8l 5spd, 2wd, this thing was my little runabout all summer, and often my place of residence. The Supra spec tires worked really well on the stock 14" steelies painted (you guessed it) flat black, and the truck was tossable for what it was and the 130hp wasn't all that slouch, either. Bought for 500 bucks, sold for 1000 to buy...

14) 87 VW Jetta GL - 1.8l 5spd, my first 'real' import car that actually ran and drove and got registered and used. What a concept. Huge trunk and decent interior space, willing motor, great steering, but eventually reality intruded on my German import fantasies and I sold this to move back to LA and buy...

15) 1960 Studebaker Lark VI - this car was just impossible to resist. I'd gotten the classic bug and it was 700 bucks with 60k original miles on it, original paint, everything. I drove an airport shuttle van and didn't need much for personal transportation, and the VW was down with a bad clutch at the time. My grandfather bought this off of me for a grand, and there it still rots I think. I'd like to get it back some day.

16) 87 Volvo 760 Turbo Wagon - finally bought 'the good one' and was intending on having my cake and eating it too. I did some basic mods, drove it to San Diego and back, and got talked into selling it to record an album and got completely screwed on the deal. I took the 'ride of shame' back to NY on Greyhound a mere 3 months after leaving, swearing to never come back after living the good life in Cali. Ahem...

17) 87(? I did have a lot of 87s!) Regal T-Type. Don't get excited - this had the 3.8l pointing the wrong way with no turbo. I put some 16s off of a FWD Monte Carlo on it and donated it once I found out the timing chain was screwed and I didn't have a place to pull and replace it. 400 bucks later I bought...

18) 83 VW Rabbit Diesel - my first diesel car (first experience was with a 6.3l Chevy), this thing got me to Florida on a wing and a prayer. But goddamn was it SMALL. Even compared to the Beetle. And slow. Even compared to the Beetle. Amazing mileage though. Got my 400 bucks back out (man, what I'd get for it now) and bought....

19) 90 Honda Civic base hatch - my first Honda, this thing was great for delivering pizza and bombing around Melbourne. Handled great and was quick enough for a car with bad valve guides and thus nothing above 5k. Died 2 weeks after moving back to NY, where I bought a

20) 88 Chevy S10 2.5l - this thing never ran quite right and was painted in a 16 year old's approximation of 'camo'. 200 bucks got me a ride for the winter which I wouldn't mind getting impounded since I was suspended. 20 bucks worth of white spray cans made it less of a cop magnet. Got bounced over to my cousin's and later returned when my SE-R's motor blew. Got me to work for awhile and sold for the same 200 bucks I bought it for.

21) 93 Nissan SE-R - I got bounced off of a tree in a 2004 Toyota Camry driven by a drunk college kid (drunk working class guys always got me home 'cause they got work tomorrow and no mommy to pay for things when they go wrong. This kid literally drove PAST the house to put his 2 year old car around an oak tree - with liability insurance.) I got a settlement a few months later and bought a car on my 'short list' and one that remains there.

My SE-R Classic was 'as advertised'. They are that good. And a class act in the import field, too. Mine was red with the dark grey interior and it came off like a much more prestigious car to people who didn't know it was 'just a Sentra'. I put K-Sport coilovers on it after a spring broke and after a blissful, iconic night of just burning down every Long Island back road I'd ever wanted to just destroy in a fast car since I'd moved there at 17, it developed a rod knock and though I ordered the Soko motor and all of that, I couldn't get it swapped out in time to keep it. It was my daily driver pick.

My 'go nuts with a dedicated sports car pick' was...

22-24) (Various years) Toyota MR2 MKI- this was where I blew stupid money on cars that I never even drove because my inner car geek overrode my inner car barbarian. (In the words of my cousin: "I was expecting you to go buy like a sick Camaro or something", and in retrospect I should have. "Getting your cake and eating it too" isn't all it's cracked up to be.) I figured that these lightweights were better suited to my 6'2" frame better than the Miata that was also on the short list. In retrospect I chose wrongly. The Miata was likely an easier car to live with, less exotic (stupid coolant burping rituals and all that), and has a better aftermarket. I bought a pair - an 85 NA car with some worse rust than I saw in the photos and a Supercharged car that was...well...

Yeah. I also wasted my time on a car that had been front clipped in the past but just needed a motor and was 500 bucks, so while I had the truck and trailer rented I bought another problem for myself. The SC car at least had a built motor and whatnot but really I gave some kid a great gift. I at least got my first and currently only motorcycle in the deal, though, and that was actually kind of worth it, not to mention seeing what can be lost through foolishness.

I got soured on Japanese cars for a minute with my various sundry (pricey) Nippon-sourced troubles. I wanted another classic since I was going back to LA, and when I had my Super Beetle I always wanted one of these...

Honorable Mention: 1982 Suzuki Katana GS550M

You simply have to have a motorcycle, at least once, and this was mine. Topped out at 85-90mph (in 6th  gear!) but would dust a Porsche to that speed. Really great memories on this thing, eventually repainted it and kinda got screwed on eBay for it. Should have just left it at my cousin's house. 

25) 1966 VW Squareback - 1776, Dual Dellortos, Empi exhaust/header, IRS, ridiculous stereo. I figured, hey, it's probably big enough to stretch out back there! Well, sort of. It's like waking up in a bread box. Not to mention, not when you have actually possessions back there. Cool, kinda quick but handled like ass compared to the SE-R (most things did actually) and I took a 100 dollar loss and bought my next travesty...

26) 1972 Chevy Van - 250-I6, TH350, panel van. My home for awhile in Venice and during some very formative times. Rusty as hell for a Cali vehicle. Bought to avoid smog and then fell down and out and never registered it anyway! My band Mettaya was born in this van, and it helped get me involved with Sky Saxon and the Seeds. Big metal box on wheels, what else can you say? Oh, that it died like three weeks after I gave it up for 100 bucks!

27) 1985 Toyota Celica GT - the Van was supposed to just be 'home', so I got a runabout. This got wrecked like a day after I registered it. I'd thought of putting a 350 into one of these - stout 5 speed and rear end, 2800 pounds or so. Mine was brown on brown. You'd have never seen it coming. Since it was registered for a year and I knew so many homeless folk, it became a Hobo Hotel and the Scourge of Venice for quite some time. I'm rather proud of that.

28) 1994 Chevy Caprice 9C1 - bought for 400 bucks without a title, sold for 400 bucks without a title. Ran and drove but I just didn't have the resources to get it back on the road, and my license was FUBAR at the time anyway. Remembered it for later, though.

29) 82 Honda Civic wagon - bought with a half dead motor just to live in, managed to get me to Calipatria and back to try and acquire a school bus for Sky. Died on Electric Avenue. Not a bad little piece of tinfoil.

30) 93 Honda Civic EX Coupe - ported head, stage I cam, rebuilt motor, various suspension bits. Sold to me by a pot runner, I eventually sold it for the same amount to buy a larger car. Fast, though, long gears unlike the short ones in the Si I would buy later. Still no license so this car was just trouble, but if you didn't back a turbo four, a real six or a V8 I could likely take you in this little sleeper.

31) 82 Mercedes 240D MT - The W123 is one of the best cars ever built. I took this car and while it was Der Bomb as an unflappable runabout with a huge amount of suspension travel, I researched how to cut the springs properly, put lower profile tires on it, intake and exhaust, and created the impossible - a sporty 240D.

The combination of gearing, grip, ideal roll center in the front, and strong low/midrange power made this an unlike alternative to a Miata. Same basic concept - power is irrelevant. Pick your line. Hold that line. I will build another one of these. I wonder what four matching new tires, new Bilsteins all around and whatnot would achieve. 

32) 83 Mercedes 300D Turbodiesel - The 82 started a trend and for awhile I was W123 for life, y'all. The 'big block' version of the 240D felt like just that and I never really liked it as much, though it looked great. It was a fine cruiser and would honestly make a better 'get around LA' car than my Buick due to the steering angle and better city MPG. No clutch pedal didn't help.

33) 1990 Honda CRX Si - This is a car that I'd honestly always wanted. When I saw these new it was just obvious - tiny, lightweight, no overhangs, and - yup! - fast. The 4.20:1 final drive on the stock DX trans effectively created a close ratio setup with track gears, best to wring the last drop out of the 106hp D16A6. After the 240D's 72hp or so, the CRX was a rocketship. This car had nothing done but AR 15x6.5s thrown on and an AEM intake. Even before the intake the car would just annihilate the various trucks that would try to sprint off from a light with a hole shot (and the knowledge that there was a race on!). The car was just damn quick and occasionally I did lose to a later Si for instance. But many 4.8l trucks and an Escalade or two were eviscerated by the little black blur. Should have left the little four banger alone.

34) 1994 Buick Roadmaster Sedan - LT1 5.7l V8, dual exhaust, posi, tow package. The CRX was great but once the lease was up on the house out in the desert and it was time to hit the road again - this time with even more crap and a dog in tow - I decided to forget wringing the max MPG out of my ride and just try to get the maximum VALUE out of it. At 25mpg, I'm 5mpg off of the CRX's typical return (the way I drove it). The CRX, however, was a death trap - at least for my dog, who rode in the hatch area. One jackass with a big truck doesn't pay attention and I'd be burying a friend.

The 350ci LT1 is a great consolation prize, though. Great sounding engine - the exhaust was free, as I just relocated the resonators after deleting the mufflers and over axle pipes. The car handles fine for it's size, and it's just solid. The Buick, unlike my 9C1, wasn't a cop car then a taxi. It was a single owner car up until a few years ago, literally an old man from Arizona. A Seafoam treatment produced the least amount of smoke I'd ever seen. The car was well taken car of, it'd just fallen into the GM decay pit - the interior has gotten even worse since I've owned it. But the car could be the most solid American car offered - I don't think the Ford Panther/Crown Vic can really hold a candle to it. The sky is the limit for performance, and I currently would have to spend money on it to 'break even'. Works for me.

Oh, and did I mention that in addition to being much more of a 'real car' than my CRX, it's significantly faster? Throw it in drive, hit the gas and go...

Wow! 34 cars in about 13 years. Quite the collection considering I had to live in a few of them, wouldn't you say?

The (actually) Smart Car Blog Roars To Life: a Manifold Manifesto!

I don't know if the world needs another blog, exactly; many would say, hell no, we don't. Especially from YOU, CID Vicious (not to be confused with another blogger with one post from 2005). However, I don't see a lot of people coming at the whole 'automotive enthusiast' thing from my angle, either. I'm a broke musician type and was before the economic collapse.

However I've also been wrenching on cars since I did most of the brake job on the family's 83 Caprice Coupe at age 12. My family never had a lot of money, but Dad was a regular Jack of All Trades, and Master of a Few. We had one of the most feared cars in the neighborhood, a 64 Chevy II Nova 2 door post with a worked to the bone 355. I've been a 'car guy' ever since Dad strapped the car seat in that thing and floored it. I only rode in that car a few times - Dad had better places to spend money than on that car and it wasn't a daily driver anymore, for sure. But it was formative - that, and hearing the cammed, header'd, small block rattle the windows of the house when he'd start it up once or twice a month, watching the dog go hide under the bed.

My Dad built that car with his own two hands, motor and all, chose the cam and gears ("You've got to pick your gear ratio and build the rest of the car around that", he'd say, and most drag racers would generally concur). He couldn't just buy a built car, or sign off on a loan, but every once in awhile when the cash in hand and parts for sale on the used market came together, he built a car that a lot of the more monied folks in the 'hood wouldn't challenge. A kid up the block had a father who was in the Coast Guard and there was an Audi and a turbo Probe in the driveway (this was 1987-88 or so), and the flat black car didn't look like much after Dad sold the wheels and put the old steelies back on it. The kid though it was just a pile of junk, and asked his dad if he thought the Probe could take my dad's car.

"Which house is yours, Danny?"

I told him.

"The old black Nova?"

I nodded.

"Son, there's no way in hell my car is faster than that car. It's newer and nicer, but it's not faster."

You could sum up a lot of my own life in that little exchange. Hot rodding to me was about David vs. Goliath; the revenge of the working class. Nothing worse than having a high dollar ride and having your date see you lose to a car you're pretty sure is going to be parked in a trailer park later that night. In the front yard, with the kid's bike jammed underneath the front wheel, and the driver passed out halfway to the front door, possibly.

Later on I 'got with it' and started my forays into the "furrin'" cars. With a dad with several Small Block Chevy powered cars in the driveway - mom's ride was a 65 Nova SS hardtop with an upgraded but mild 283. Dad's ride for awhile was the 69 flat nose Chevy with a 327 bolted to the three-on-the-tree, running 15x8 slotted mags with fat tires and the rubber fender lips to make them visually legal if not actually letter of the law legal. (Another trait passed down from father to son, though I swear your honor, those days are long behind me!). I was awash in vintage American iron when a lot of the 'better off' kids were getting shuttled to school in the new FWD Corollas and putting on much the same air as the little blonde bastard in the Toyota Highlander commercials. (Full disclosure: my current ride is a Roadmaster sedan, and that kid is full of...)

That kid in the old Taurus is going to ghetto stomp your ass on the
playground tomorrow,  just letting you know. You'll be able to watch
DVDs on the way to the hospital, though, so there's that.

However I, as earlier stated, am a 'wannabe rock star' and trust me, music gear can be as harsh (or even worse of) a mistress as a car addiction, especially if you had my pizza delivery guy/security guard level income. So I never got to go full bore on any projects without thinking that somehow I was cheating myself of 'the big time' and actually, I have had some great experiences on the fringes of the 'big time' music business that are so out there I'm currently writing a book about them. So I can't say I cheated myself of much, and actually learned much about false economy and the virtues of small cars along the way.

Pictured: possible daily driver. Circa 1980. It's 2011 folks.
Sometimes they don't build 'em like that anymore for a reason.

I started off with a 72 Super Beetle, had a Celica Supra left to me by my father (he wrote service for Toyota dealerships in the 80s and loved the Gen II Supras, and bought a pair after his Turbo 600 'vert (K car) got t-boned. I went with an S10 for awhile as I was vagabonding it and the combination of a relatively peppy 2.8l, five speed, and camper top was good for that summer. I put the spare set of 225-60-R14s on the stock S10 steelies, flat blacked them, and cornered as hard as you could in such a setup for minimal cash outlay, and traded 'up' to a VW Jetta that winter. I finally had what I thought was a 'legit' import that was running and driving, unlike the basket case Supra that had already gone to parts car heaven so far as I knew.

That car was really decent, actually, and if I had a few bucks to where the lack of a Japanese Junkyard 'safety net' of cheap barely used engines were inconsequential, I might consider another A2 Jetta as a sleeper. VR6s bolt in like B series motors bolt into Civics, and while I thought the twist beam axle was lame at the time, it afforded a really, really huge trunk. Like, Marshall-half-stack-swallowing-and-oh-btw-got-a-cooler-and-your-laundry-I-still-got-room-to-close-this-thing huge. I drove the snot out of this thing, it was great in the Long Island winter (FWD haters must either be sporting 2 digit IQs or just never have had to get to work in the middle of a Nor'Easter). Aside from the 'eh, it can't be fast, it's FWD' effect.

Don't worry about little ol' me, you just rev that 4-point-sumthin'
engine in that 5k lb truck one more time...

However, it was a great lesson in why you buy the GLI if you're so serious about going fast, rather than 'building' anything; the 1.8l motor was reliable and willing but produced about 90-95hp and wasn't a bolt on friendly engine. I put a set of 16x7s on but it just illustrated what the stock 13s had been hiding all along, the worn out front end. In the end I wished I'd shopped better and saved the extra 500 bucks that a GLI would have run me at the time. I sold the car and moved to Los Angeles, again. Volvo 760 Turbo Wagon time. For a few minutes anyway, I was a brick lover hummin' about how Swede it was. Then I figured out exactly why they don't build them up that much - lack of parts that aren't from across the pond and expensive, less 'bulletproof' motors when they're severely boosted, the 16v head doesn't bold on, no room for big tires to put big power down. So much for being weird and different - sometimes you just don't see certain cars built much for a reason, and it's not always lack of imagination.

And so on. I've had some nice furrin' rides, for sure. However I'm the rare guy who sees nothing but genius and the future of hot rodding in the souls that say damn the purists on both sides, this RX7 is getting an LS6 and a 6-speed! While I love the idea of an engine swap like this, it's hard to accomplish and relatively expensive. Better to start off with something already good, running, and factory offered.

Come on. You know that you want this, and that an LT1 swap
would provide. Take the race stuff off and go out hunting Camaros,
Civics, Mustangs, Porsches. "I just got beat by WHAT???!!"

I've come to appreciate the things that America did so right in cars like my Roadmaster; a 260hp, 335lb-ft Corvette engined luxury saloon capable of rending an SUV irrelevant with it's 5000 pound towing capacity, not to mention it's willingness to be transformed into a sleeper Impala SS or a drag monster. In fact, while most Jalopnik commenters might scream "Land Yacht! Yank Tank!", the car is waiting to be turned into a more willing road partner by simple things like affordable lower control arms, and actually putting the forward body mounts in so the frame does it's job.

This 4200lb car (not so svelte, sure, but do you see what a Camaro or a Taurus SHO weighs in at now? The sheer size of an Accord?) runs 15s and does the towing thing, does the 6 passenger seating, does the 20 cubic feet of trunk space - the SUV thing, in other words. As a musician who is prone to running around with imminently pawn-able items that cost hundreds to thousands to replace, sometimes borrowed, I prefer my valuables out of sight and encased in steel, but to those that need space more than privacy the Wagons offer even more seating and cargo room for a reasonable 300lb weight penalty.

These 'big' cars also get 25mpg, 17 in the city, which are numbers that all embarrass a newer hybrid Suburban, for example. Most full size trucks that have this kind of towing capacity - even midsize! - have a hard time getting 20mpg. 20 year old technology and a fat chassis overloaded with luggage and passengers still netted me 23.5 mpg at 70mph or above coming back from Mardis Gras this year. Diesel pickups would have a hard time replicating that feat, as would similarly powered SUVs, so how doesn't a car like this make sense if it were updated just enough to sell to more than the Geritol set? Cars like this were staples of the American Family for decades for a reason. Imagine what they'd be like with a few parts reengineered (and all of the body mounts installed!).

I find it funny, my little automotive journey. I turned my back on cars I'd grown up loving to embrace cars I'd always hated; the Miata (in high school I walked by going "aww, cute, is that a shifter or did someone leave their Atari 2600 joystick behind?"), VW Beetle, and Civic come to mind. As a matter of fact, I traded my CRX Si for the Roadie; as a traveling performer I simply needed more room and wasn't house bound as I was when I'd bought the go-kart. However, the Roadie handles well enough for it's size and the baloneys it has to ride on until I can afford some real rubber for it, and simply blows the (rather quick) Si's doors off in a straight line, and no chance of a missed shift either.

What the 'real driver's car' of the two would see.
Yes, those are turn downs. Gramps chugs creatine.

Now I've come full circle, back on native soil if you will. The V8 obsessed hot rod kid did the thing with the import four-bangers (and six-pots) and came back home to pushrod V8s and rear drive, and neither moonshine nor a full frontal lobotomy were involved. Maybe he's high! (Maybe? Chances are...)

After twisting my back up doing the timing belt on the D16A6, getting into the Roadie's soft, comfy chairs and cruising home was like heaven; maybe I'm getting old. But I've learned that automobiles are never anything but a bundle of compromises in several different directions; perception (does your car get the local 'Honda Club' guys wanting a race every trip to the store like my black Si did? Ever drive a car like that in the 'wrong neighborhood' vs. something like a Volvo or Mercedes 240D? Perception isn't just the guy in the other lane, it's the cop behind the both of you deciding which one to possibly pull over), value for money relative to the end use of the vehicle (daily driver? Destroy all comers (and stock parts) track car?), single or family owned, etc. Now, the Roadmaster fits my needs perfectly in a way that a more 'hip car guy approved' ride like the CRX or the 240D that came before it ultimately could not. I almost sold the Buick to buy another 240D, but it couldn't handle the trunk loads I'd put in it with the IRS (especially lowered like it would inevitably be) and while the 300D was a wee bit more powerful, it wasn't really all that much more efficient save in the city. The Roadie simply made more sense for what it did for the money and it's various other benefits. Although the 240D does make for a great canyon carver...

Call me a 'hipster' and I'll crack this f&@#ing
thing across your skull. :D

I actually like the fact that my Roadie, and the 240D that preceded it, are so under the radar. Why do I want cops and thieves (hope I'm not being redundant there) to eye up my ride? So some joker online gives me kudos rather than crap? (Coming from an online joker, of course.)

Funnily enough when many are clamoring for GM to bring the G8 back as the new Caprice, wanting a 'modern' chassis with LS power, what we perhaps needed was GM to bring back the full frame automobile fit for modern duty; a 5.3l LS V8 would net as high as 28mpg while producing 330hp and lighten the car by a hundred pounds or so compared to my iron headed car; unlike the IRS Holden chassis a (dare I say?) Ford-ified version of the live axle (or perhaps just lower control arms that don't suck?) would return both good handling and road manners and the ability to stuff the trunk with hundreds of pounds of stuff and hit the highway - without requiring a self leveling suspension system to keep the camber gain from making the car unstable at highway speeds. Ask the engineers behind the 300DT.

Not that the Holden/G8 thing isn't just tits on wheels, mind you, but while Dad wants a Corvette with four doors, he needs to be able to tow a trailer every once in awhile and use the vehicle as - gasp - a real car. That's what struck me upon getting the Roadie - how well suited this car was for American roads and the needs that arise on them, rather than suited for the Car and Driver test that's going to be handed to the BMW 3 series entrant anyway. The large tires and high stance made a lot of sense in places like New Orleans, with possibly some of the worst streets anywhere. In cases like that the last thing you want is a pavement scraping track whore on rubber bands.

Such an observation could be a metaphor for where I find myself, coming full circle. At one point I thought the Smart Car was, you know, smart. Then you realize that the car is slower, less fun to drive, more expensive, and even more fuel thirsty than just getting a cheap used japanese compact from the late 80s to the early 2000s now. I kind of feel that a lot of people haven't gotten the message that maybe throwing a 2.0l turbo four into every car (because it will magically be faster AND more fuel efficient than a V8, even though there are turbo four powered cars with 1000 pounds less curb weight or more that get 25mpg or less; they're going to get BETTER mileage with a bigger car?) and that when FWD cars and 'pony' cars start edging up on the curb weights of what used to be 'land yacht' territory, perhaps some new thoughts are in order about what's necessary right now in the world of 2011 and onward.

Maybe we don't need to reinvent the wheel, just use what we already have on the table better than we currently are.

I find it funny when people fail to notice that the Civic Si now weighs in at the old Prelude Si's weight. (Or a first gen small block Camaro, even) I used to think, 'hell, man, almost 3000 pounds, why bother with a front driver at that point'. The 'microcar' segment now weigh hundreds of pounds more than my SE-R Classic did. A 'midsize' Taurus nowadays dwarfs my old school land yacht. Maybe 4000lbs and 5.7 liters isn't so big and thirsty after all, and maybe everything in the automotive world isn't what the sales brochure says it is. Maybe the 'Smart' car isn't so much. I've even seen the one thing a Smart car actually has an advantage with fail - the 'just back up to the curb' parking 'ability'. Which is fine until LAPD tickets you anyway. Legal or not.

Who doesn't need a slow, expensive car that seats only two and has almost zero cargo room? Raise your hands. Woah, that's a lot of people.

Now there are 'smart' just about everything, from laptops to lattes to, of course, cars. I couldn't help but feel a little intelligent myself, passing mister 'C Smarty' like he was standing still in a car that cost me a whole 833 dollars to procure. 200 bucks worth of Craigslist 15x6.5s with Toyos and a 25 dollar CARB approved CAI later, I had a car that got 30mpg while driving like a lunatic all day, more cargo room than the Smart car, and vastly faster acceleration for less than the insurance cost of the 'Smart' car. No manufacturing costs like in a new car either (auto factories don't run on rainbows, people), if you're concerned with the environmental impact, and the engine was smog compliant and new enough to be clean but old enough to be cheap. The Goldilocks Zone, where any astronomer will tell you, Life occurs.

Ok, so the car wasn't a show winner for 833 bucks, but still, the
'angel choir' effect is appropriate when you consider the
automotive heaven offered compared to a Fart...er, Smart Car.

Then I sold the Si for 1500 bucks with less than that in it with all parts accounted for, bought the Roadie for 1000 bucks ('gas guzzler' the guy complained, and I just nodded and signed the paperwork. Compared to what?), and after returning from NOLA, was backed into. After getting paid for the minor (but major looking) dent in the quarter panel and having enough blue book value to not total out, I was paid 1450 bucks to fix a dent I just pushed out and maybe might sic a paintless dent guy on for a few hundred. I now have negative dollars into this car; I've essentially been paid to take it. I wonder if Grassroots Motorsports magazine would recognize that for the $2012 Challenge....however, the idea of spending 400 bucks for some serious rubber and a few hundred to fix the few remaining weak areas of the chassis (the tow pack afforded 2.93 gears and a limited slip, and the Gran Touring suspension is as close to Impala SS spec as was offered in the Roadmaster line) doesn't seem like much.

Pictured: "I'll pay you 450 bucks to take me home."
Now tell me your Elantra was a really good value.

That's what this blog is about - doing it the right way, even if you don't have much to work with. Having a 260hp pimpmobile daily driver that gets decent mileage, runs 15s, and was so cheap I'd have to spend money to break even on it? That's win, folks. That's doing it right. Being able to head to an autocross course later with 'grandpa's car' and turning heads amongst the import snobs and pony car guys alike? Also win.

Grampa Car - if your Gramps was Chuck Lidell. 

Doing it wrong was like my SE-R; 1400 bucks to buy an 'economical' car that ballooned to 5000 bucks for a car with just a cheap ass set of coilovers on it and a half finished motor swap (the 'unbreakable' SR20DE ended up with a rod knock the night I burned up the Suffolk County back roads after weeks of dialing in shocks, race shop alignment, etc...); luckily I sold the whole basket case for 2000 bucks. I could have easily been forced by circumstance to sell it for less if I hadn't been so lucky. All for a 2.0l NA four cylinder with a K&N filter on it. Doesn't sound so 'win' does it?

Pictured: Fail. No, really. Also, an e-brake drag on fresh concrete.
I was a really, really bad security guard. I was supposed to
be getting paid to keep this very thing from happening.

Fair warning; some rants may have this War and Peace-esque length, many will not; however, I'm sick and tired myself of the Twitter level of depth available on most blogs; the code to embed the photos they use in many cases has more text than the blog entry itself. I won't assume you to be some ADD addled illiterati who need a shiny object and small sound bytes, although I'm sure to get a few 'TL:DR' responses from that crowd, no doubt.

Maybe the auto world doesn't need another uppity, long winded blogger, but they're getting one, and perhaps I can offer a unique enough perspective to justify my salt. We'll see. I think that there's thinking you're smart, and actually being smart, and oftentimes they're not quite the same thing, and don't occur at the same time. I like the idea of cultivating effectiveness, and if someday your automotive horizons widen, the experience is just as valuable - perhaps more so. I'm embarrassed by losing 3 grand on a car I enjoyed owning thoroughly, I can't imagine being more ok with such a situation if you added some more zeros to that figure.

Fear not folks: I have some good things in store. A teaser of what's to come....