For a guy that's had to sleep in cars so often, I've had a fascinating array of cars. It's amazing what's available to the average schmo nowadays - hence, I think at least, things like scrap drives and 'Cash For "Clunkers" And We're Not Able To Put Enough Quotes Around "Clunkers" So We Won't Even Try'.
That's a prospect of civilization as it currently sits that I think gets overlooked; the sum result of admitted overproduction of crap over decades means that, if we were not to squander what we already have, much 'needed' production is already covered. People need cars, not necessarily brand new ones.
Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to lay it out there as far as what notches I have on my timing belt, so to speak. It'll be interesting to see what this list ends up looking like.
Honorable Mention: 1965 Chevy Impala Convertible
Back in the day my dad rented out a room or two in our house to make ends meet, and this guy Brian came in. These were bar guys in Florida, but at least this time he wasn't renting a room to Two-Feathers the crazy Indian with weapons hidden EVERYWHERE. And frankly this wouldn't even be an honorable mention if I had to have memories of cruising Melbourne, Florida nights in a Trooper II.
The car wore a few SS badges but was packing a 327 with a Holley and headers backed by a Powerglide. Ah, back in the good old buck a gallon days. I got to drive this around quite a bit, and it gave me a love of the sound of a small block into glasspacks.
I never owned it and I couldn't have come up with the money to, even if I did unspeakable things at truck stops for the cash. Still I got to cruise it and pound on it when I was just getting my license, and I don't care; it came chronologically first, and anyway, fuck you, this is my universe, and this is my first car. I got to cruise this in high school and didn't even have to buy the gas half the time.
Screw it - who needs to be paying for insurance and all that anyway. Just hand me the keys and try not to piss yourself.
1) 77 Ford F150 Ranger - 5.8l 351M, C4 trans. Lasted 3 weeks in my possession - a pattern held by all the Fords I've ever owned. Going to the "I'll Push A Chevy Before I'll Drive A Ford" church since you were four might get some weird hoodoo going in your mind, and maybe I'm just cursed to never have a good blue oval experience because of it. However, this thing was so abused before my dad bought it and drove it through it's last bit of life it wasn't funny. I got it because my dad wasn't up to lifting essentially big block V8 iron heads off of a motor to get it running again, so I spent three weeks doing what would even now be a fairly huge undertaking. The head gaskets came off in pieces - the motor was literally pumping coolant out it's exhaust before it was parked. We didn't drain the oil fast enough - but it started and dragged it's dying corpse to work for three weeks so I could put the down payment down on...
2) 1980 Chevy 'Junkyard Special' - '63 283 2bbl, TH400 trans, huge-iferous tow truck sourced rear, 73 Suburban 2500 chassis, 80 Cab, 12.5x32 tires on 16.5x10s. This thing was the weirdest truck ever and I might just have to replicate it somewhat some day. (I think I'd use a 327 or maybe a stroker and definitely an OD trans.) Flat bed/stake bed setup, flat black with a light bar, this truck looked like it came off the set of Beverly Hillbillies Meets Mad Max. The stupid short gearing just made the 283 scream. Couldn't hurt the 400 trans even though it was soaking up ponies and gas. The suspension had heavy duty off road shocks on 8 leaves in front and 10 leaves in the back with a 1/2" helper spring and really thick sways. The thing cornered flat despite being lifted to the point where the roof's peak was about 4" taller than my 6'2" top of my head. The 12.5" wide tires were off road capable but clearly meant for on road use most of the time. Rebuilt everything, just a beat body and nothing much to look at. The Terror of the parking lots of both Bellport and Miller Place high schools in 1997-98. Couldn't kill the thing, and despite the not huge nor really worked motor (had some kind of cam in it, though, minor lope), it would take it's lifted and heavy and very un-aerodynamic carcass and embarrass the guy in the next lane in his fresh CRX Si. Made me money, too. Not bad for 850 bucks.
3) 77 Chevy Caprice - ex Taxi that was tipped to me by my boss at the Getty station at the time, I bought it for 50 bucks. 5.0l and Th350, I drove this thing to Jersey so many times when I was courting my then fiance. Crashed it on the way to see Rammstein at the Family Values tour. 50 bucks. The history of the car was known, too, and it had over 400k on it, 3rd engine, 4th trans, who knows how long it might have gone for. Shades of rides to come...
4) 84 Ford Mustang LX 2.3l - awful buy, would have made a good donor for a V8. Was a lemon to begin with but I was import phobic at the time and wanted something that at least resembled something cool. These things were so slow, it took me years to realize how fun a four cylinder could be. Blue on blue, notchback, auto...never let your girlfriend suggest a car to buy.
5) 87 Olds Cutlass Ciera GT - Ceding the 80 Chevy to my dad since I owed him 400 bucks and had screwed up the carb rebuild, I found a cosmetically beat Ciera GT 3.8l to bomb around Long Island in for awhile until the trans died. Not too bad for a FWD GM product from it's era. My first attempts at auto body were on this car.
6) 90 Jeep Cherokee Sport 4.0 HO 5spd - got a loan from my JPL friend and ran around LA for the first year I lived here in this. Carried my half stack to numerous auditions that lead to nowhere. Eventually had to give the truck to my friend who lent me the money, but he kept it for years and loved 4x4s anyway. The 4.0l motor was great and burnouts were easy. Would get another even today.
7) 69 Chevy 'Flat-nose' Van - bought for moving band equipment but some local dicks shot the windshield and window out with a pellet rifle. Sold it off and pretty much immediately regretted it, 250-I6 and three on the tree.
8) 86 Pontiac Firebird 5.0 5psd - broke spark plug off in head and managed to sell it for the same price I bought it for. Never realized what I had; was lazy and bought this instead of fixing it...
9) 87 Ford Thunderbird 5.0l - my cousin was into 5.0 Mustangs and I figured hey, this one's going for 700 bucks and just needs front springs from the railroad crossing jump, why not...700 bucks for a motor for the Firebird, that's why. 3 weeks later, dead. Dead oil pump. Don't get me started.
10) 73 Chevy Malibu - 350/350, this car was the cheapest thing I kinda wanted in the Recycler at the time and my friend bought it for me to basically sleep in when I got back to LA after being back on Long Island working at the auto body shop all winter. Got gas-phobic and bought something smaller that actually proved less economical...
11) 72 VW Super Beetle - 1600cc Dual Port with 'Autostick' trans. The latter should have made me walk but I couldn't get much for the 'bu and the Super was 550 bucks and lowered. The wrong way. The Mexican, East LA way (bought it in Bell). But was cool and I was smitten with aircooled mojo. This death trap got me to the majority of my TV/Music Video/Movie extra gigs all over LA and Orange counties, leaking transmission fluid the whole way and negating the whole reason I bought the rolling suicide booth in the first place - economy. Better gas mileage doesn't mean much when you're eating quarts of tranny fluid. Came out to about the same amount to run and now I had to sleep in a fucking Beetle. Sometimes you're better with the Devil you know. I could have at least thrown some cool mufflers on the Malibu and acted like it had more than 175hp.
11.5) 64 Ford Falcon Ranchero - I had this thing for like a week. I'd painted the VW in two tone flat black/white primer, painted the interior hammered metal gray with the black vinyl upholstery, and it looked damn cool. I didn't think the Falcon was ready for the road back to NY and was going to sell it, and the folks I traded it to just bought the Super Beetle off of me instead, which worked out great for them since I gave it the same hot rod black treatment the VW had gotten while I had it.
12/12.5) Various Celica Supras - my Dad passed away owning these and they became mine. I bought a parts car, stripped the shell of the extra one he'd left and ended up having to give it all up when things went sour with my grandfather. Wrenched on them for awhile and got to appreciate Japanese sports cars, and they donated their 225-60-R14s to my...
13) 93 Chevy S10 - 2.8l 5spd, 2wd, this thing was my little runabout all summer, and often my place of residence. The Supra spec tires worked really well on the stock 14" steelies painted (you guessed it) flat black, and the truck was tossable for what it was and the 130hp wasn't all that slouch, either. Bought for 500 bucks, sold for 1000 to buy...
14) 87 VW Jetta GL - 1.8l 5spd, my first 'real' import car that actually ran and drove and got registered and used. What a concept. Huge trunk and decent interior space, willing motor, great steering, but eventually reality intruded on my German import fantasies and I sold this to move back to LA and buy...
15) 1960 Studebaker Lark VI - this car was just impossible to resist. I'd gotten the classic bug and it was 700 bucks with 60k original miles on it, original paint, everything. I drove an airport shuttle van and didn't need much for personal transportation, and the VW was down with a bad clutch at the time. My grandfather bought this off of me for a grand, and there it still rots I think. I'd like to get it back some day.
16) 87 Volvo 760 Turbo Wagon - finally bought 'the good one' and was intending on having my cake and eating it too. I did some basic mods, drove it to San Diego and back, and got talked into selling it to record an album and got completely screwed on the deal. I took the 'ride of shame' back to NY on Greyhound a mere 3 months after leaving, swearing to never come back after living the good life in Cali. Ahem...
17) 87(? I did have a lot of 87s!) Regal T-Type. Don't get excited - this had the 3.8l pointing the wrong way with no turbo. I put some 16s off of a FWD Monte Carlo on it and donated it once I found out the timing chain was screwed and I didn't have a place to pull and replace it. 400 bucks later I bought...
18) 83 VW Rabbit Diesel - my first diesel car (first experience was with a 6.3l Chevy), this thing got me to Florida on a wing and a prayer. But goddamn was it SMALL. Even compared to the Beetle. And slow. Even compared to the Beetle. Amazing mileage though. Got my 400 bucks back out (man, what I'd get for it now) and bought....
19) 90 Honda Civic base hatch - my first Honda, this thing was great for delivering pizza and bombing around Melbourne. Handled great and was quick enough for a car with bad valve guides and thus nothing above 5k. Died 2 weeks after moving back to NY, where I bought a
20) 88 Chevy S10 2.5l - this thing never ran quite right and was painted in a 16 year old's approximation of 'camo'. 200 bucks got me a ride for the winter which I wouldn't mind getting impounded since I was suspended. 20 bucks worth of white spray cans made it less of a cop magnet. Got bounced over to my cousin's and later returned when my SE-R's motor blew. Got me to work for awhile and sold for the same 200 bucks I bought it for.
21) 93 Nissan SE-R - I got bounced off of a tree in a 2004 Toyota Camry driven by a drunk college kid (drunk working class guys always got me home 'cause they got work tomorrow and no mommy to pay for things when they go wrong. This kid literally drove PAST the house to put his 2 year old car around an oak tree - with liability insurance.) I got a settlement a few months later and bought a car on my 'short list' and one that remains there.
My SE-R Classic was 'as advertised'. They are that good. And a class act in the import field, too. Mine was red with the dark grey interior and it came off like a much more prestigious car to people who didn't know it was 'just a Sentra'. I put K-Sport coilovers on it after a spring broke and after a blissful, iconic night of just burning down every Long Island back road I'd ever wanted to just destroy in a fast car since I'd moved there at 17, it developed a rod knock and though I ordered the Soko motor and all of that, I couldn't get it swapped out in time to keep it. It was my daily driver pick.
My 'go nuts with a dedicated sports car pick' was...
22-24) (Various years) Toyota MR2 MKI- this was where I blew stupid money on cars that I never even drove because my inner car geek overrode my inner car barbarian. (In the words of my cousin: "I was expecting you to go buy like a sick Camaro or something", and in retrospect I should have. "Getting your cake and eating it too" isn't all it's cracked up to be.) I figured that these lightweights were better suited to my 6'2" frame better than the Miata that was also on the short list. In retrospect I chose wrongly. The Miata was likely an easier car to live with, less exotic (stupid coolant burping rituals and all that), and has a better aftermarket. I bought a pair - an 85 NA car with some worse rust than I saw in the photos and a Supercharged car that was...well...
Yeah. I also wasted my time on a car that had been front clipped in the past but just needed a motor and was 500 bucks, so while I had the truck and trailer rented I bought another problem for myself. The SC car at least had a built motor and whatnot but really I gave some kid a great gift. I at least got my first and currently only motorcycle in the deal, though, and that was actually kind of worth it, not to mention seeing what can be lost through foolishness.
I got soured on Japanese cars for a minute with my various sundry (pricey) Nippon-sourced troubles. I wanted another classic since I was going back to LA, and when I had my Super Beetle I always wanted one of these...
Honorable Mention: 1982 Suzuki Katana GS550M
You simply have to have a motorcycle, at least once, and this was mine. Topped out at 85-90mph (in 6th gear!) but would dust a Porsche to that speed. Really great memories on this thing, eventually repainted it and kinda got screwed on eBay for it. Should have just left it at my cousin's house.
25) 1966 VW Squareback - 1776, Dual Dellortos, Empi exhaust/header, IRS, ridiculous stereo. I figured, hey, it's probably big enough to stretch out back there! Well, sort of. It's like waking up in a bread box. Not to mention, not when you have actually possessions back there. Cool, kinda quick but handled like ass compared to the SE-R (most things did actually) and I took a 100 dollar loss and bought my next travesty...
26) 1972 Chevy Van - 250-I6, TH350, panel van. My home for awhile in Venice and during some very formative times. Rusty as hell for a Cali vehicle. Bought to avoid smog and then fell down and out and never registered it anyway! My band Mettaya was born in this van, and it helped get me involved with Sky Saxon and the Seeds. Big metal box on wheels, what else can you say? Oh, that it died like three weeks after I gave it up for 100 bucks!
27) 1985 Toyota Celica GT - the Van was supposed to just be 'home', so I got a runabout. This got wrecked like a day after I registered it. I'd thought of putting a 350 into one of these - stout 5 speed and rear end, 2800 pounds or so. Mine was brown on brown. You'd have never seen it coming. Since it was registered for a year and I knew so many homeless folk, it became a Hobo Hotel and the Scourge of Venice for quite some time. I'm rather proud of that.
28) 1994 Chevy Caprice 9C1 - bought for 400 bucks without a title, sold for 400 bucks without a title. Ran and drove but I just didn't have the resources to get it back on the road, and my license was FUBAR at the time anyway. Remembered it for later, though.
29) 82 Honda Civic wagon - bought with a half dead motor just to live in, managed to get me to Calipatria and back to try and acquire a school bus for Sky. Died on Electric Avenue. Not a bad little piece of tinfoil.
30) 93 Honda Civic EX Coupe - ported head, stage I cam, rebuilt motor, various suspension bits. Sold to me by a pot runner, I eventually sold it for the same amount to buy a larger car. Fast, though, long gears unlike the short ones in the Si I would buy later. Still no license so this car was just trouble, but if you didn't back a turbo four, a real six or a V8 I could likely take you in this little sleeper.
31) 82 Mercedes 240D MT - The W123 is one of the best cars ever built. I took this car and while it was Der Bomb as an unflappable runabout with a huge amount of suspension travel, I researched how to cut the springs properly, put lower profile tires on it, intake and exhaust, and created the impossible - a sporty 240D.
The combination of gearing, grip, ideal roll center in the front, and strong low/midrange power made this an unlike alternative to a Miata. Same basic concept - power is irrelevant. Pick your line. Hold that line. I will build another one of these. I wonder what four matching new tires, new Bilsteins all around and whatnot would achieve.
33) 1990 Honda CRX Si - This is a car that I'd honestly always wanted. When I saw these new it was just obvious - tiny, lightweight, no overhangs, and - yup! - fast. The 4.20:1 final drive on the stock DX trans effectively created a close ratio setup with track gears, best to wring the last drop out of the 106hp D16A6. After the 240D's 72hp or so, the CRX was a rocketship. This car had nothing done but AR 15x6.5s thrown on and an AEM intake. Even before the intake the car would just annihilate the various trucks that would try to sprint off from a light with a hole shot (and the knowledge that there was a race on!). The car was just damn quick and occasionally I did lose to a later Si for instance. But many 4.8l trucks and an Escalade or two were eviscerated by the little black blur. Should have left the little four banger alone.
34) 1994 Buick Roadmaster Sedan - LT1 5.7l V8, dual exhaust, posi, tow package. The CRX was great but once the lease was up on the house out in the desert and it was time to hit the road again - this time with even more crap and a dog in tow - I decided to forget wringing the max MPG out of my ride and just try to get the maximum VALUE out of it. At 25mpg, I'm 5mpg off of the CRX's typical return (the way I drove it). The CRX, however, was a death trap - at least for my dog, who rode in the hatch area. One jackass with a big truck doesn't pay attention and I'd be burying a friend.
The 350ci LT1 is a great consolation prize, though. Great sounding engine - the exhaust was free, as I just relocated the resonators after deleting the mufflers and over axle pipes. The car handles fine for it's size, and it's just solid. The Buick, unlike my 9C1, wasn't a cop car then a taxi. It was a single owner car up until a few years ago, literally an old man from Arizona. A Seafoam treatment produced the least amount of smoke I'd ever seen. The car was well taken car of, it'd just fallen into the GM decay pit - the interior has gotten even worse since I've owned it. But the car could be the most solid American car offered - I don't think the Ford Panther/Crown Vic can really hold a candle to it. The sky is the limit for performance, and I currently would have to spend money on it to 'break even'. Works for me.
Oh, and did I mention that in addition to being much more of a 'real car' than my CRX, it's significantly faster? Throw it in drive, hit the gas and go...
Wow! 34 cars in about 13 years. Quite the collection considering I had to live in a few of them, wouldn't you say?
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